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anorexie, bulimie a závislost na sebepoškozování

Autor: tynkabieber - Pátek, 29.03. 2013 - 23:21:35
Téma: Vaše tvorba

Chtela bych se s vámi podelit o svůj příbeh, podle kterého prý patřím do blázince.

Dřív jsem byla veselá usmevavá holka, chodila do školy s radostí. Jenže moje anglictinarka me zacala doslova sikanovat. Milovala jsem anglictinu, miluji anglictinu a budu milovat anglictinu, ale navzdy budu nenavidet tu anglictinarku. Davala mimpetky uz jen za to, ze jsem se prihlasila, kdyz jsem udelala nejakou praci navic, dala mi petku i s poznamkou za nevhodne chovani, na testy mi davala schvalne mene casu a davala mi (jako jedine ze tridy) uroven obtiznosti techto testu jako maturantovi, i kdyznjsem byla v osme tride. Strasne me to zralo a tak jsem jednoho dne vzala jehlu - ano, jehlu a prodrela si s ni skrz kuzi velky znak peace na lytko. Ulevilo se mi a byla jsem rada, ze to muzu mit. Postupne jsem i k tomu znaku dopisovala i pismenkama napis PEACE a na druhou notu si take delala obrazce-to vsechno jehlou.

Prisly prazdniny, jenze ja na hned na zacatku prazdnin spadla do anorexie a byla nejniz na 41kg/163 cm. Rezala jsem se pilnikem i na tabore, protoze jsem nechtela jist. Nakonec me z te anorexie nastesti dostala ma nejlepsi kamaradkaa doted jsem ji za to silene vdecna.

Dostala jsem se z anorexie a spadla do bulimie a skoncila na 39 kilech. Zase me z ni vytahla kamaradka a doted nechapu,mjak to vubec mohla zvladnout, obema je nam 14 a ona mi nahradila psychiatrickou lecebnu.

Byl konec przdnin a ja si nasla pritele. Byla jsem stastna, chpdila s nim dlouho, byl to muj prvni pritel. Na jehlu/pilnik jsem ani nepomyslela. Jenze pritel se se mnou rozesel a ja poprvy v zivote sahla na ziletku. Udelala jsem si jednu malou jizvicku, prptoze do ty doby jsem neznala zadnou takhle ostrou vec, s kterou bych si tu kuzi mohla proriznout tak lehce. Jenze jakmile jsem zjistila, ze me pritel celou dobu podvadel, neznala jsem se. Vzala jsem ziletku a porezala si ruce strasne moc, i na zilach, na stehnech, na lytcich, na brise.

Vzpamatovala jsem se z rozchodu, ale mela jsem tolik problemu, ze jsem se rezala denne - a mela ruku porezanou od zapesti az po loket. S rodici jsem to doma nemela lehke, tata neni skoro vubec doma a mama je strasna, furt na me rve a tak. Z rezani jsem se dostala - respektive me z nej opet dostala ma nejlepsi kamaradka. Prisla ke mne domu, nasla vsechny ziletky, vsechno a rekla mi dost. V tu dobu jsem nemela na keve ruce ani mistecko kuze, cela ruka porezana. Bylo mnoho okamziku, kdy jsem si prala riznout si, ale vetsinou jsem se udrzela. Jen jediny okamzik, kdy si dovolim riznout se je ten, kdyz se pohadame s nejlepsi kamaradkou a kdyz na me v noci spadne deprese. Od te doby mam kvuli hadce jedndu jizvu a kvuli nocni depresy napis why na noze a asi 5 jizev na ruce. Jenze moje krasne telo mi nikdo nevrati. Poruchami prijmu potravy jsem prisla o zadek, o celou postavu a ted vypadam jak pravitko, co vyslo z koncentracniho tabora. Na ruce mam celkem asi 1000 fialovych jizev, zvrchu, ze strany, vsude. Na nohou mi jdou stale videt vsechny obrazce a napisy, co jsem si tam udelala a na stehne jdou stale videt jizvy z meho pokusu o sebevrazdu.

Drzte se a budte silni. O pomoc si klidne reknete svekamaradce, je tu prece pro vas :)

 
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